Why are young people refusing to date?

The way people form relationships has drastically changed since the invention of dating apps. In the past, people formed bonds of trust and commitment very early in their relationships, which we do not see today.

Studies have shown: If you find your romantic partner on a mobile dating app, you may be more likely to continue your search for a relationship, regardless of whether you are already in a committed relationship.

What is dating?

The dating stage of a relationship is characterized by two individuals engaging in activities together, usually to evaluate each other's potential as a partner.

So why are people refusing to date?

1. Growing Individualism

Although taking care of one's needs is a necessity, being avoidant in forming secure bonds is a sign of growing narcissism and psychopathy. Being hyper-focused on our own needs makes us disregard the needs of others. An inability to satisfy the needs of others creates an aversion to even trying. Young people often think that they can't handle the responsibility and burden of a relationship, so they avoid dating.

2. Instant Gratification

No one wants to invest much in anything and wait for things to happen. People are looking for instant likes, instant deliveries, and instant love. A lot of these needs are met through online chats, dating apps, and even pornography in some cases. If you have access to so much love online, why would you want to seek it in person? You instantly connect, feel good and disengage, on to the next thing after that. Their brains are just looking for the next high or the dopamine hit, the moment we get it, we leave. All the apps and social media have rewired the way we connect with the world around us.

Dating apps are designed to keep you hooked, the aim is never to find you a partner but keep you swiping for more.

3. Search for the perfect partner

Now, social media has a huge role in creating the idea of perfection. We find good people, we like them, and even connect with a few on an emotional, spiritual or sexual level but the thought that something better exists never leaves us.

4. Paradox of choice

Having more choices might seem like a good thing, but it isn't. Most people are only capable of handling 3-6 interactions in a day. The overload of choices makes it difficult for the brain to process and it's bored by the time we have to make a choice. This is especially seen with dating app users. They browse it like social media, and chat up with a few people but never go on a real date.

In addition to these, fear of commitment is real. People find it hard to choose and commit to even a significant idea and we are talking about people here. The economy also makes it hard. Dating is not only time-consuming but also takes a bit of effort.

Right now: time is money. Why would you like to commit to something that will take away your money and time? Wouldn't you rather invest that in yourself? : These are very legitimate questions this generation is asking.

But is Dating necessary?

Humans are social creatures. For this long, we have survived by forming adequate bonds with each other. As a result of the bonding between individuals, the brain releases the necessary chemicals to stay in a good mental state. Dopamine, Oxytocin (the love hormone), serotonin, and endorphins are released with every stage of forming a human connection. These chemicals are essential for us to be happier and more motivated in life. Inadequacy of human connection is strongly associated with depression and anxiety. Relationships that last a long time can have a profound effect on the brain's chemistry and function. It should be a sufficient reason to connect and date.

Sure you can replicate these hormones with a lot of other activities and discount dating altogether, but it's worth a shot.

Dating and relationships are not entrapments. Even if you start dating someone, you will remain an individual. A lot of the fear of this generation is around the dissolution of their self and space. As long as you navigate and understand your needs and boundaries well and can establish them, you will be able to have the type of relationship you are looking for.

What can you do to start dating?

• Delete those dating apps. Those apps are designed to keep you hooked on swiping rather than forming connections. If you still feel it's your best chance at finding a partner, be mindful. Try to take the conversations beyond just the screen. Be mindful of the number of people you are interacting with at a time. If you have found 2-3 people that you like, exchange numbers and delete the app. Try being more open and make your intentions clear with what you are looking for.

• Meet people the old-fashioned way. Go to hobby classes, workshops, museums, cafes, and bookstores. There's a great possibility that you'll meet some interesting people who share a love for that activity. You'll have some social connection that's beyond your known circle and will also boast your confidence.

• Go to therapy. Work on yourself. Work on the negative outlook or defence mechanisms you created as a child against the world. We learn so many things as a child which don't serve a purpose as an adult. Understanding your needs and working towards them can make you a secure lover to yourself and others.

• Understand that relationships are not entrapments. You are an adult who can make good choices for yourself. Relationships exist to make our life better and we can let go of things that don't work out.

• Create filters for yourself. Understand your needs and what you'd like from a partner. It's imperative that you understand yourself better. Evoke that little child in you and understand what that child needed. We can heal so much of our childhood trauma with good partners. It's a process, indulge in it.